Fourth Trimester

On this hour (7AM), 3 months ago, I was in labor and had been in labor for a very long time.  We had gone to the hospital around midnight and I was dilated to a six! I had been laboring at home the entire day before.  Cayden was at our sweet neighbor's house and I made Matt go to work!  He kept calling and wanted to come home, but I wouldn't let him!!  I wanted to labor at home and alone!!  My friends (especially Ashley & Breanna) were basically freaking out that I wouldn't let Matt be there.  I heard  a knock on the door.  I thought it was Matt.  It wasn't.  It was my mom!  She wanted to be there.  Good thing she was because we left in the middle of the night and left Cayden and her both sleeping soundly.  Shortly thereafter, Matt's parents came and relieved my Mom.  They kept Cayden at home until the baby came.
It was almost at this exact moment when the doctor on call came in and said he needed to break my water because my labor was "failing to progress."  Those are the dreaded words that they use when they are about to make an excuse for why you need another c-section.  Although I was terrified of having my water broken, I allowed it. We waited with anticipation to see if my labor pains multiplied exponentially.  When they did not, that concerned me even more.  God knew the desires of my heart.  He knew how I longed to deliver my child without drugs via the birth canal!!  I know I shouldn't, but I felt cheated in some way with Cayden's birth.  I desperately wanted to have this baby the way God intended babies to be born, and I wanted to do so naturally.
The strange thing that happened when the doctor broke my water was that instead of making the contractions worse and 'jump-starting' my labor, the contractions stopped! "Are you kidding me?"  The doctor said he had never seen anything like it, but that his shift was ending and he was going to be leaving me in the hands of another doctor on-call who was not at all in favor of a VBAC delivery without drugs.  Excellent!!  I was terrified.  When that doctor came in and told me she was giving me one hour to "progress" before taking me to a c-section, I was broken.  I had been in labor for almost 36 hours at this point and I was exhausted, but not willing to give up.  She started "pit" at a level 2 and left the room annoyed, but not before giving us the run-down of horrible case scenarios and 'what-ifs.' After praying with a dear friend and my family, the contractions started up... and boy did they start!  My sweet nurse kept turning the Pitocin up and before long, the contractions were right on top of each other.  The nurse was doing all of the work, Matt, my mom and my dad were in the room with me.  They cheered me on through each and every contraction. My Dad was breathing with me and giving me ice chips, Matt was calling out the contractions and my mom was keeping the baby's heart monitor in place.  Matt and my dad made several jokes back and forth- I guess trying to make me laugh.  After 36 hours, I could barely even see straight- much less laugh.  After a little pushing, Brinley made her very quick appearance!  ...and I will never be the same again! (In more ways than one!)  We were SHOCKED to see that it was a girl. SHOCKED! 

A good friend of mine calls these first three months the fourth trimester.  We have officially completed the fourth trimester.  I think it has taken me this long to actually believe that I have a baby girl and that she is really here!  She is perfect for us.  God knew exactly what we needed, and he was faithful to give me the desires of my heart during labor.  Don't get me wrong.  I first and foremost wanted a safe delivery, but if at all possible I wanted to avoid another c-section.  Praise God!  I did!

*Brinley, we love it when you smile.  Your giggle is so sweet and cute.  We all (including Cayden) laugh when you laugh. Cayden loves to make the baby sounds that you make.  He points at your belly-button, eyes, nose, toes, hands and likes to name them.  Every morning Cayden says, "Brinley!" and you get a big smile on your face.  We pray that one day you will both be strong believers in Christ and find other strong believers to marry.  We have prayed that since our wedding night, and we continue to pray that over you.  We know we are not perfect and our home will not be perfect, but Christ's love is perfect, and we will do our best to follow in his lead.
At only three months, you can go from a horizontal position to sitting and then standing, just by grabbing our thumbs.  You are so strong!  One day you will rollover, crawl, walk, run and jump, but I am enjoying you today- right now- just the way you are! You are such a good eater and sleeper, sleeping around 8-12 hours a night and several naps throughout the day.  Hopefully that will continue!  Brinley, I don't ever want you to feel like you are living in anyone's shadow.  God made you to be uniquely you, and all of His creations are good. 

Visiting Cayden in his crib this morning

Brinley Denise- 3 Months Old!

Psalm 36:5, "Your love, O Lord, reaches to the heavens, your faithfulness to the skies." (NIV)

Psalm 36:7, "How priceless is your unfailing love! Both high and low among men find refuge in the shadow of your wings." (NIV)

John 3:16, "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life." (NIV)

1 John 4:16, "And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him." (NIV)